Death by Bramble and other Killers in the Countryside

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If you walk down the typical urban street on a typical July afternoon then you will typically be drenched by torrential showers with your waterproof coat reminding you it lost its imperviousness three years ago at Glastonbury, your shoes letting in water (that reminds me of a song!), and every bloody car, bus or lorry turning up when the only thing between the pavement, which you’re stood on and the big evil thing with wheels is a lake the size of Windermere! It never ceases to amaze me how efficient vehicle tyres are at dispensing gallons of water aimed accurately at your personage! Two thoughts spring to mind – firstly all water pistols should be replaced by tyres and secondly, the various military rulers around the world should adopt vehicle tyre technology for accurate missile aiming.

Anyway what is the point of tonight’s pointless missive? 

Well I started by painting a picture of a typical July day in an urban street. Firstly this year isn’t typical as the sun is shining. Secondly we are not talking about urban here we’re talking down and dirty country style.

Seriously I have today been examining the many weapons of war that Mother Nature has lined up to wipe me out should I venture off the safe path. Not for nothing do the locals round these parts talk of ” the dark un” a plant so vicious that it has a beer named after it in the village pub. However my beef tonight is with the bloody bramble that is alive and all too well in my hedge. This thing makes a rose bush look like a dandelion. It has spines that vary from branch to another – sometimes lots of very small ones, other times few but blood y massive. The upshot is they rip you to kingdom come. As I speak I am consoling myself with a large glass of wine and planning my next offensive against Boris the Bramble.

This is going to be painful for one of us….

’til next time………

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